Colic. You Bitch.

You have taken what is supposed to be a great bonding time with my newborn and made it so stressful!

If I never heard the word colic ever again it would be too soon. Most people know colic as the endless crying from a newborn, but I am not sure many people have experienced the epic, hours long crying I have to deal with almost on a daily basis.

It’s work to deal with a colicky baby. As I write this she finally went to sleep. It’s 3 p.m. and she had been up since 7 a.m. No nap, two poops and several ounces of food. So what did she do in the middle of all that? Mostly cry. She’d cry if she was in one position too long, she would cry if she was set down, she would cry if she was held, she would cry sometimes with the bottle in her mouth, she would cry if she had a clean diaper… endless.

The terrible thing about colic is there is NOTHING. YOU. CAN. DO. There are things that help – the gas drops and probiotic but most of the time it’s you just trying anything and everything to have her not cry. Bouncing, walking, rubbing, soothing, anything! But it’s hard when your baby doesn’t want a pacifier. We’ve tried the Happiest Baby on the Block, but as I have written about before she hates the “traditional” swaddle and pacifier, so I am down two S’s.

It’s so sad as a parent to go through this. At some point you end up just crying with them. Because there is NOTHING. YOU. CAN. DO.

My only solace is that colic doesn’t last forever. At some point I will have my baby back. I will have time to bond with her and love her like I thought I would from the get-go. There is a light at the end of the tunnel but when you are in it, it’s so hard to see. My visions of us strolling through the mall or outside before I went back to work are gone. Colic usually lasts three months, sometimes more and I go back to work when she is three months. It is just too stressful for me to go out and worry if she is going to “explode” into a fit. People look at you, they judge you and they wonder why you can’t control your kid. I know I shouldn’t care what people think, but I am not going to go out to eat and ruin someone else’s dinner or time outside. I’ll just wait it out.  

I thought before I had her I would host a ‘Sip & See’ so friends and family could come over and we would snack and show off the baby. Once I realized what was happening I quickly removed that from my calendar and thought process. I have put off friends from coming over because having a constantly fussy baby is not only tiring, it is embarrassing. Why? Because again it makes you seem like you don’t know how to be a parent. And so many people will say, “Don’t talk like that! She’s a newborn, they cry.” It’s more in my head. It’s hard to visit and show off a baby who is screaming bloody murder. And I don’t want people to see this beautiful little girl act like a monster. I’m tired, I’m worn out and then she’s a crazy person. So if I have put you off coming to see her, know I am sorry but it’s hard right now.

For those friends that have been there and reached out, thank you. To be able to commiserate helps. To know it gets better helps.

So let’s get real – instead of only posting smiling and sweet sleeping baby pictures, this is what it is mostly like:

Just because I needed to read more about what I was dealing with here are two blogs that I screamed yes, yes, yes to when reading. Everything they talked about, I felt like I was writing it. So if you feel you want to put yourself in my shoes read this and this. Even though with the second I am not post-colic I still feel a bit of jealousy when I see or hear people enjoying their sweet baby.

Ps. She woke up 30 minutes into writing this.. more crying.. from 3:30 until when I bathed her at 8 p.m. and she finally went to sleep… this is my mom life.