baby

The Birthday 2.0

6:00 PM

Two. Two years since you made your arrival. Two years since Daddy and my lives were changed forever. I am not sure how we got to two years so fast but here we are.


You are walking and talking machine. You never slow down and when you wake up and feet hit the floor it’s 500 miles an hour until bedtime.

I thought we saw a lot of changes during your first year, but this last year brought about so much as well. You can now communicate your feelings, desires and dislikes to us. We can reason with you, and even though you are VERY strong willed, you seem to be getting it. I have seen your feelings for your friends blossom and grow. Your feelings for your family have strengthened as well and I feel my heart burst every time.


I cannot even put into words how much you have learned. You do things, fairly often, that I sit in amazement at. I look at Daddy and ask him, “Where did she learn that?” You never cease to amaze me with that little sponge of a brain. But I am thankful for your school and teachers who have helped you along the way.


Daddy and I have learned that you will never share the color yellow or Elsa, but that you love to eat, sing, dance and be an all-around water baby.

We have had our challenges, but as you get older, our time together is much easier.

Happy Birthday, Maisie-Moo, you are our greatest creation, and we can’t wait to see what this year brings to us. 

 




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The Missing

6:14 PM

If I had one wish in this world it would be for Maisie to have a chance to meet and know two people who had a huge impact on my life. One being Daniel's dad and two being my Bachia (grandmother).


One of the worst days of my life was when my father-in-law passed away suddenly the day after our engagement party. He didn't get to attend our wedding, we didn't get to surprise him with our pregnancy announcement and Maisie won't get to ever meet him. It stings so much. I miss him and still get emotional to this day even though it's been six years. How has it been six years?

Dan Dennis is a man who once offered me $500 for Caesar. We took it as a joke, but I am sure he was serious. If he would do that for a dog, I am sure I would have never seen my baby had he still been here. He's a man that would make me laugh until my sides hurt and say the most inappropriate things that I would laugh at and the rest of the family would cringe. I feel I got robbed of my time with him because I only got four years. Better than nothing, but so much has happened in those six years.


Maisie would have loved that man. I'm sure he would have been at my house every day to see her. I can picture him telling Daniel and I we were doing it all wrong when it came to everything -- diapering, feeding and even the way she dressed. He'd want to put her car seat in the convertible so they could go motor around. It just tears me apart that she will miss out on these things. So we will do our best to tell her stories and show her pictures so that she can at least know what a wonderful person he was.

As for my Bachia, she is still alive at 92, however, she doesn't know anyone anymore. The last time I went to visit her was very hard for me. I visited her the day of my grandfather's funeral. I think I took my visit with her harder than saying goodbye to my grandfather. She wasn't the woman I remembered or wanted to remember. She was just there. As much as I talked to her and held her hand it crushed me to know she didn't know me.


I'm sure people will think that I am a terrible person for not going back to visit since then, but I don't want to have my memories of her in her current state. I want my memories the fun times -- going to Disney or the Polish Club, her cooking or traveling.

She was such a wonderful grandmother that did anything for my brother and me, so I am again crushed she has no idea I had a sweet baby girl. I can picture it now, she would dote on Maisie and want to spoil her even more than she spoiled us grandkids. She'd want to dress her in fancy outfits and teach her how to make pierogis. It almost hurts more knowing she's alive but will never know Maisie.


I promise my next post won't be such a bummer, but I felt I had to share how important these two people are to me and how I wish my daughter could feel that too.

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The Fourth Trimester

6:57 PM

We made it. In one piece. I had heard so many things about “The Fourth Trimester” and at first never gave it any thought, but it is a real thing! If you have read any of my previous blog entries, you will know Maisie and I had a tough go at life for a while. However, as I eased myself back into work after 12 weeks off, she eased herself into a routine and it has been smoother sailing.


Now, I am not saying I have an easy baby. This girl fights day-sleep, she is alert and wants to know what is going on around her, and we still are dealing with the witching hour. Yet, this girl is now content on playing in a bounce chair, sleeping in a swing, sitting in her highchair while we cook food and sleeping pretty much through the night. I thank my lucky stars we are moving into greener pastures.

Of course, this all happened the week before I went back to work. She has been a gem for her Grammy during the week, something that I stressed about before I went back. Speaking of going back to work, the transition went better than I thought. I like my job, I knew Maisie was safe and I went off to work without any tears. The only time, in the two weeks since I went back, that I got upset is when she was awake and alert when I left. Most of the time, she is still sleeping when I leave so it makes walking out the door much easier. It has been fun to anticipate coming home and seeing her face as I walk in the door. She babbles constantly and I feel like it’s her way of telling me about her day, I love that.


Routine helps. Even when I am not home, I know when she is being fed, how much and when I can expect her naps. I think this also helps her to know what to expect no matter who is watching her. The routine has helped me figure out the cries – tired, hungry or dirty diaper. And the routine has helped her become a great night sleeper. *Fingers Crossed* It stays that way.

Now that I am out of the Fourth Trimester I get asked, “Ready for another?” Nope. I am not. I doubt I will ever have another baby. I am sure Daniel would love another – he says we make a really cute kid, I agree, but I do not want to ever have to go through that newborn hell again, nor do I want to tempt fate with another baby. So many people have told me I will change my mind, but I am standing pretty firm on this one. Those first 12 weeks took its toll on me and if I had another child, I would be afraid to go through that WITH Maisie around. It just wasn’t a pretty time. So my girl is very special, she’s it.


I am looking forward to what the next few months bring – sitting up, crawling and whatever other surprises she has in store for us. It seems like every day she’s doing something new.

baby

The Return

11:37 AM

My emotions are all over the place about returning to work. Ask me a month ago and I was eager to return to work. But with it staring me in the face, I have a lump in my throat. While I don’t feel that I am the stay at home mom type and she is in EXCELLENT hands, it seems it has caught up with me.


Excitement – I am excited about returning to work, having adult conversation, doing a job I really love. I am excited to see work friends, catch up and just getting back in that routine, but it also leads to…

Fear – I am not sure how this new schedule will work out. Miss M and I have just been flying by the seat of our pants really. Yes, she is on a feeding and somewhat sleeping schedule but will all that be upset by mommy’s new schedule? Although, I still feel…


Relief – Since my mother-in-law is watching her, I know she is in good hands. She will be loved and taken care of to the fullest extent. She will not want for anything and with Daniel working from home, he is only a few steps away. But that makes it…

Sad – He will get to see her and kiss her whenever he can. My mother-in-law will get to see little milestones that I will only discover when I get home. There are plenty of things that make going back to work sad, but I am trying to be strong.


All in all, I think me going back to work is good for Maisie and me. We will get to miss each other, and the time we spend together will be that much sweeter. I will get to use my brain again for things beyond baby and feel creative again. So yes, I am emotional about going back to work. If I see you on Tuesday or even Wednesday, there might be a tear in my eye, my voice might quiver a bit but know all is fine and this is just growing up… for all of us.





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