Let’s talk about what is working well for us! Yay, happy things.

Love to Dream™ Love To Swaddle UP

            We tried the traditional swaddle. We wrapped with blankets, we wrapped with the easy-to-use Velcro swaddles – nothing worked. This girl screamed BLOODY MURDER every time we got her in one of those things and then wiggled so much that the hands were out and the swaddle failed in 10 minutes. We knew we needed to swaddle for her sleep and ours. I went browsing around Buy Buy Baby and ran across the Swaddle UP. I think one of the big reasons swaddling wasn’t working for us is that she wanted her hands up. When I was delivering her we had to wait while the doctor moved her hand that was up near her face so I could push her out. Every sonogram we have, her hands are near her face, so of course, she wants her hands up. Even when we swaddled with her hands up, they weren’t high enough. I cannot rave enough about the Swaddle UP. It’s easy to change her in it and she still can have her hands near her face. I actually just ordered the next stage of this swaddle – the UP 50/50. So when she can start rolling over you zip the “wings” off, but she still has the bottom wearable blanket.

HoMedics SoundSpa Lullaby Sound Machine

            Why I didn’t have a white noise machine before I had her, I don’t know. I think I believed that because Daniel and I sleep with two fans, which are seriously loud, that we would be OK. No, not OK. I bought this sound machine at the same time I bought the swaddle and it helped with sleeping so much. I run it on the ocean sound because it sounds the most like white noise and it’s loud. When I turn it on, her eyes immediately get heavy and start rolling back in her head. She now knows that it means sleep. I really don’t know if Daniel and I are going to be able to sleep in our room without it. It has a built-in projector to put things on the ceiling, but we use this strictly as a sound machine for now. There are some bad reviews on it because of that projector but it’s a great little sound machine.           

Gerber Soothe Probiotic Drops

            When we switched to formula she had bad gas. She worked really hard to try and pass it but was uncomfortable a lot of the time. The doctor suggested we put her on a probiotic to see if that helped soothe her belly pain. After being on them a little more than a week they seem to have helped her. We still have one episode a day where she appears uncomfortable and takes a while to pass a poop or gas but these drops, expensive (really expensive for how small this bottle is) as they may be, have helped us take a turn in her fussiness.

Placenta Pills

            If you don’t like hearing about placentas skip to the next! After her birth I had my placenta encapsulated by Amanda, my doula. I think this really helped me keep a level hormone balance in the days and weeks that followed her birth. As mentioned before I had some issues with breastfeeding and I think my issues with that could have been a lot worse had I not had the pills to level things out. I highly recommend women to do it to help with your hormones. I have some left that I will take when I feel crazy or at my first period.

Ergobaby Original Collection Dewdrop Baby Carrier or baby wearing in general

            I really wanted to baby wear. LIKE REALLY BAD. I was given two slings, I bought a Solly wrap, was gifted an Ergo and a Mei Tai. When M was born I tried to use the Solly right away and it didn’t go well. She cried and hated it. I was so sad because I wanted to do it. Next time I tried the Ergo and she loved it. She fell asleep and was calm in it. We use it to walk to the mail box or calm her around the house if she’s fussy. I haven’t used it out yet because we haven’t really gone out, but I can’t wait to try it. Last week I tried the Solly again and she did well in it. I think I was wrapping wrong and now I have it down. I need to keep practicing with baby wearing because I know she likes to be close to me. I am taking this as a win, even if it hasn’t been tested to its full potential.

Schedule

            I know babies don’t really have a schedule. Like none at all. Well last week a friend reached out to me to tell me about how she got her son to sleep through the night. She uses Moms on Call. It’s a book and way to schedule your baby’s day. I implemented it, without reading the book, last week and our days have gotten way better. She’s still not sleeping through the night, but the days are good. She’s taking naps and not just catnaps and eating well. At night we are getting longer stretches of sleep so I am going to take that for now. I am going to give it another week or two and if it continues to work I am going to grab the book. I don’t want to be tied down too much to a schedule but it is making our lives much better.

Do you have your baby on a “schedule”? I’d love to know more about it.

I appreciate everyone who reached out and left me a nice note about my breastfeeding struggles. It’s funny because so many people said they went through the same thing, or they understand because it was hard for them, but why does no one ever talk about how hard it is? I knew having a baby and raising a newborn would be a struggle, but I never thought it would be this hard.

Social media makes everyone look like they have it all together. The bad – screaming, gas, breastfeeding issues, poop (got pooped on for the first time over the weekend!), late nights… it’s never discussed unless it’s in a close-knit mommy group where you feel like you can be open and honest. Well here I am being open and honest – it sucks!

I feel sometimes like my kid never sleeps and why is she crying even after I have changed her and fed her? All the classes and books say you’ll figure out their cries – I still have no idea. Is it too early to figure them out? Why does she not sleep when her eyes are heavy, rolling back in her head? It’s like she has toothpicks in her eye lids to hold them open and will fight it so much. And then when you Google or read online other mommies had their babies sleeping at 5 or 6 weeks? OMG that makes me want to cry.

BUT, I know I am the one putting the stress and pressure on myself. I recognize it. I am the one striving to be the best mom and it’s tough. I can see why people wear and break down. I need to learn how to let go and relax a little.

And, it all hasn’t been bad. We have had some successes and some products that have made life easier. (I will blog about those at a later time.) I love my girl to death. She is adorable and looks just like her dad. I think she has his personality – oh lordy! I can’t wait to dress her up, take her out and be my mini me. That’s why you have kids right?

Again, thanks for all the positive feedback. It’s nice to know other people struggled and made it through.

For those that went back to work… I’d love to know how the transition went and what I can do to make it go smooth.

Today is the day I stopped exclusively breastfeeding/ pumping for my daughter. The decision did not come lightly. It has been days in the making, partnered with a lot – a lot—of tears.

I tried, I really did. I feel like a failure that I gave up, or that my body gave up. I told my husband, in life if I don’t know how to do something, I usually can learn about it and accomplish it – not this. Throughout my pregnancy I looked forward to breastfeeding. I wanted to bond with my daughter in that way and so many people made it look so easy, so why wouldn’t it be easy for me?

The beginning – in the beginning I thought we were doing fine. We found a position she liked, sitting up, straddling me. She would suck and suck and in the beginning it was fine. I think at about two weeks that proved to not be enough.  I noticed she would not sleep like other babies. It was maybe in 30-minute spurts. Her eyes were red from being tired, but she would never fall asleep. I started pumping to see if I had anything left, and turns out I did. So why wasn’t she able to get it all from me?

The middle – so near the end of the second week into her third week I whisked her off to the doctor because of constant crying. I was crying because I couldn’t figure out was wrong and she was crying because she wasn’t happy and I wasn’t meeting her needs. Was my baby colicky? Did she have acid reflux? No, the doctor said she was hungry. Talk about a blow to the gut. Basically I was starving her and I didn’t know it. I saw a lactation consultant who said she had a bad suck. She was working really hard to get milk and tiring herself out. She helped by showing me I should massage my boobs while the baby was latched, but after a few attempts at that, we were back to a lot of crying and endless… I mean endless hours of feeding.

The end – I knew I was near the end when I would dread everyday. I would dread feeding time and I would dread hearing my baby cry. The killer was when I just hated being a mom. No one should ever feel that way. I loved this baby so much, but I hated what I had become. I cried, I cried everyday while researching my options – I took Fenugreek to increase my supply.. that did not work and some of the side effects, yuck; I tried to exclusively pump.. that made me even crazier since I had to pump every two hours (every four during the middle of the night). All I thought about was pumping and feeding my baby. I could not enjoy this time, yet I struggled with the decision to throw in the towel.

I had to mourn the loss of the joy I thought breastfeeding would bring to me. It did not bring me joy, but I hated to let go. So I ripped the “band-aid” off today and supplemented with formula. I cried when she took it no problem and sucked it down, but you know what – she was happier, the whole day was better and my husband even remarked at how much better the day seemed.