My emotions are all over the place about returning to work. Ask me a month ago and I was eager to return to work. But with it staring me in the face, I have a lump in my throat. While I don’t feel that I am the stay at home mom type and she is in EXCELLENT hands, it seems it has caught up with me.

Excitement – I am excited about returning to work, having adult conversation, doing a job I really love. I am excited to see work friends, catch up and just getting back in that routine, but it also leads to…

Fear – I am not sure how this new schedule will work out. Miss M and I have just been flying by the seat of our pants really. Yes, she is on a feeding and somewhat sleeping schedule but will all that be upset by mommy’s new schedule? Although, I still feel…

Relief – Since my mother-in-law is watching her, I know she is in good hands. She will be loved and taken care of to the fullest extent. She will not want for anything and with Daniel working from home, he is only a few steps away. But that makes it…

Sad – He will get to see her and kiss her whenever he can. My mother-in-law will get to see little milestones that I will only discover when I get home. There are plenty of things that make going back to work sad, but I am trying to be strong.

All in all, I think me going back to work is good for Maisie and me. We will get to miss each other, and the time we spend together will be that much sweeter. I will get to use my brain again for things beyond baby and feel creative again. So yes, I am emotional about going back to work. If I see you on Tuesday or even Wednesday, there might be a tear in my eye, my voice might quiver a bit but know all is fine and this is just growing up… for all of us.

Maisie Lucille. When people ask me what Daniel and I named our baby and I say “Maisie Lucille,” many times we are met with “Oh, that’s interesting. How did you come up with that name?” They aren’t saying it to be mean, I think they are more saying it because they haven’t ever met a Maisie or heard that name used often.

Before we got pregnant whenever I heard a name I liked I wrote it down in my phone. I have Zooey, Heidi, Leighton and Willow, among some other boy names. I really leaned toward Willow, however Daniel wasn’t was into it. We kept discussing names and when we for sure found out she was going to be a girl, Daniel suggested Maisie. One of his grandmothers was known as Grand Maizy and the other was Byrdie Lucille. As much as I love Byrdie, I am sure my kid would have killed me had we settled on that. So when he suggested Maisie Lucille, I fell in love with it. It’s quirky without being too crazy and means something to our family.

Now, how were we going to spell it. There are several ways to spell it – Maisie, Maizy, Maizie, Maisy, and the list could go on. We discovered the British spelling – Maisie – and it felt right to us. No other reason other than it looked and sounded nice. It is the same spelling as Maisie Williams, Arya Stark, on Game of Thrones, but I promise you we didn’t pick it because we are big Game of Thrones fans. We also found out that there is a children’s cartoon named Maisy Mouse! How perfect for her to enjoy as she gets older.

We didn't really tell anyone outside immediate family what we were going to name her, because everyone always has an opinion. Most people aren't going to tell you to your face they hate the name but you can read people's faces. I never wanted to second guess her name once we picked it out and someone's adverse reaction could have made me second guess it. It's harder to hate on a name when it's attached to a cute little baby.

Here’s the lowdown on Maisie:

Maisie, a hundred-year-old favorite, meaning pearl or child of light. Spelled Maisy in a popular children's book series, Maisie is rising in tandem with cousin Daisy. While Maisie might be short for Margaret, Mary, or even a name like Melissa or Marissa, it stands perfectly well on its own.

In literature, Maisie is the name of the precocious young title character in the Henry James novel What Maisie Knew, and is also the main female character in Rudyard Kipling's The Light That Failed. And to bring things up to date, Maisie is a half-blood character in the Harry Potter series.

Maisie re-entered the US Top 1000 in 2014 at 658, making it one of the fastest rising names of the year; she's still got a way to competing with her English counterparts - in the UK, Maisie is in the Top 50.

I can’t wait to see how she grows into the name and makes it her own.

Oh, and it’s not May-C, it’s May-Z. 

Daniel and I are really lucky to have his mother watching the little one until she is six months, but that means we need to find a daycare soon as the months are ticking by fast!

We went and toured Bright Horizons near our house and while it’s beautiful with great curriculum and SO convenient, the price is outrageous. I don’t think the location can justify paying so much.

We have two others to tour, both currently have a waiting list with one fairly close and one further than we would like, but both with everything we are looking for in a daycare. Both come HIGHLY recommended but each come at a cost. Daniel and I will just have to discuss what we can and cannot give up when it comes to a daycare. Before we had Maisie, daycare was one stress that slowed me down from wanting to have a baby. How crazy is that – daycare?! It’s the cost. Everyone wants to give their kid the best and when you can’t afford to send them where you want to send them it’s stressful and sad.

It’s so maddening how much daycare costs. I was reading a book before Maisie was born called “Bringing Up Bebe.” The book is written by an American woman who raises her daughter in Paris. She goes on to explain several differences in how the French women raise children. While I don’t agree with everything in the book, the daycare part really stuck with me.

“The French have all kinds of public services that surely help make having kids more appealing and less stressful. Parents don’t have to pay for preschool, worry about health insurance, or save for college.

Many get monthly cash allotments—wired directly into their bank accounts—just for having kids.”

They don’t have to pay for preschool and daycare is subsidized by the state on a sliding scale for people based on income so everyone can afford it. The author goes on to say she had her reservations about a government program for her child, but that she was pleasantly surprised with the care her daughter received and ended up sending three kids there. Want to read more from her on daycare in the United States? Read here.

So we continue our search and although it might put us in the poor house, it’s all for the babe and that’s really what life is all about now.